Another Bad Weekend

Ok promise I won’t talk about shopping at the supermarket in this blog lol – only because we didn’t go!  However…

We visited Kirst’s Mum, Dad & Sister who hadn’t seen Kirst from before she went to Budapest to have her teeth done and they were impressed with the result.  It was nice to catch up with them and they are getting more used to seeing and supporting Kirst.

I felt I needed a bit of a mood lift so suggested we go to a new outlet shop that has opened near us.  Now those who know Kirst know if you get her in a clothes or shoe shop you’ll have a lot of effort to get her out before she buys everything.   This wasn’t the case this time.  We had only been in the shop a few minutes at most when Kirst said she had to get out of the shop and couldn’t be in there as she looked disgusting and off she went back to the car.

Again the feeling of the beard shadow coming through was the reason and she just felt she looked like a man and felt people were looking at her and she couldn’t cope.  We had to get some food so I suggested we went to M&S as its a small shop but when we got there Kirst couldn’t go in and stayed in the car whilst I got some bits and pieces.

No one unless another transexual can fully understand the impact of what I saw as a very faint beard shadow on the person.  It totally makes them feel awful, depressed and that they can’t blend in with ‘normal’ people as they feel they don’t look like a woman.  Believe me the impact is real!  I felt Kirst was feeling so low that I drafted in some support.

One of our friends who is just a little further on than Kirst and has gone through the first month of having the implant and is now taking estrogen came over on Sunday.  She had said to Kirst to expect these feelings and effects but you always hope they won’t happen to you but they have.  It was good to have her here and explain that after a few weeks she will start to feel up again when she starts taking the estrogen – just needs to get through the next few weeks.

I asked what her partner feels and how she handles it – she went off abroad with her friends and left her to it lol.  Hmm maybe I ought to do the same lol !

Anyway its good to know that all  should be ok in a few weeks – I’ll just be buying extra vodka to help me through it lol!

 

NHS in a mess for Transexual People

What a joke this has been!  The process is no doubt different in Scotland to England and here in Edinburgh the only place to be referred to is the Sandyford Organisation in Glasgow as the Edinburgh clinic was closed down.

Now Kirst is desperate to get FFS help (facial feminisation surgery) to make her look and feel more womanly.  Personally I think she looks great and who knows what they may suggest she could have but ideally she would like some lip fillers as believes her top lip is too thin and lopsided!

What do you reckon?  I don’t think she needs this done and risk ending up looking like Jordan with a trout pout!

We have however visited a beauty salon and the girl who looked after us when we were buying a new wig had hers done and i must admit it looked good and natural.

The next thing she would like is permanent make up – eyebrows and eyelashes – now this one I understand as even though I’m a genetic woman I would love to have this done too and not have to faff about with mascara all the time but the cost is HUGE – from £400 for each!

Kirst does her eyes great anyway – far better than I do mine but if she could get this done on the NHS that would be another positive.

 

The main thing for a transexual going full-time is to have laser and electrolysis.  Kirst has hers done every 6 weeks but the last week she has been depressed and down as the hair has been coming through more than ever before.  The NHS don’t realise how this can make a transexual feel – it really stresses them out and depresses them and they don’t feel the woman they should.

 

So the NHS then – well after self-referring to the Sandyford in February and several emails later to complain and push the appointment and a referral letter from her GP she still has nothing!  However they told her that the Edinburgh clinic is now open!!!!  Is it???

Evidently they wrote a letter to her GP to advise of this but Kirst has spoken to her GP on many occasions and she has not mentioned this, neither has her private Doctor who used to run the Edinburgh clinic.  However, through a friend we have heard it is going to open but at the moment is only open on a Saturday and probably not doing a right lot!

This has to change!  There are so many girls out there crying out for this help and at various stages of their transition.  Kirst is further along than a lot who would first be referred and therefore needs the facial feminisation options now!

I feel a very strongly worded letter to the Director of the NHS and MP getting written very soon!

 

Kirst & Me Doing Our Weekly Shop

I am one of these people who don’t particularly like the supermarket shop at the best of times – fighting your way around the aisles and I was never an organised person always going without a list but could wizz around, knowing the layout and get what I needed.

However …….

A trip to the supermarket with Kirst is – now what words can I use – challenging, tiring and stressful!  Why I hear you ask!!

Well – and I know this is a trait of mine to get out the shop quicker – for instance – if you need one item from somewhere and one from another – to me it makes sense that one of you goes for one thing and one goes for the other to make it quicker.  Admittedly I tend to wander off and look at something else and then Kirst is searching the aisles for me which I guess isn’t the way to go about the shop lol.

I have now learnt – through several experiences – that any future shops we do we must have a list! Why – not like normal people who just write what they want but because Kirst doesn’t have to then speak!  I learnt today that although Kirst is full-time and her confidence has gone up, there are still times when her confidence is not there.

A transexual who has not yet had voice coaching and still has a manly voice doesn’t want people to hear that voice when they are dressed as a woman.  I hadn’t really appreciated this as much as I should have done and today it did.  So asking Kirst around the shop – do you fancy this – what do you want and not getting an answer or saying I can’t hear you lead us to snapping at each other because I didn’t understand how this makes her feel.  I just hadn’t thought!  So from now on until her voice coaching is complete we will definitely be taking a list!

The other aspect is how she walks slightly behind me or looks the other way when people are near.  Today was genuinely the first time in a supermarket that I have noticed a few people looking at her but like I keep saying – you don’t know what they’re looking at you for or what they are thinking.  It could just be they are admiring a beautiful girl!

I feel I let Kirst down today and previous supermarket trips – I still have a lot to learn to support her as much as I can.

However maybe in the short term the answer is home delivery lol.

 

 

Kirst’s First 3 Weeks Full-Time

So it’s been 3 weeks since Kirst went full-time as a transexual girly and it seems to have flown by.  We’ve been so busy I haven’t had much time to update blogs – well I should say I have been so busy with listening to Kirst lol that I haven’t had time.  Well you want to know what’s it been like – has it been heaven or hell??

Well I’m not often surprised by Kirst as she was quite predictable in her ways but she has definitely  shown a different side to her – relaxed, confident and happy!

I thought I would be up at the crack of dawn with her having to do her hair and that she’d be stressed each night finding what to wear the next day for work but she hasn’t!  Amazing!

Yes i’ve done her hair at weekends and the odd night but other than that its all been like a normal girl getting ready for work – I’m so proud of her!

 

She’s lucky that she can wear casual clothes to work but those who know our Kirst well knows she likes to wear dresses and skirts more than trousers.

I’m not sure how the guys and gals at her work think of her yet wearing skirts – it must be a little weird for them but our Kirst is confident and not a care in the world!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When she comes home she’s been relaxed and not stressed at all – a complete change from how she was as Steven when I felt I was walking on eggshells when he came home.  Yeh the OCD still hasn’t gone completely I still get nagged over things out of place lol and that I use too many bubble in the washing up bowl lol but hey guess I have to live with that.

The biggest change is that she’s happy and in all her pics she is smiling – its so nice to see her happy.  For those people who don’t understand gender dysphoria please believe me when I say that changing to be the person they should have been is a must and please support anyone in this position.

I’ve had a lot of people asking for advice – as has Kirst and we are more than willing to share our experience with others if it can help them too.  Oh we’ve also had some reporters contacting us wanting to do a piece on our story in the national newspapers to which we have said a firm NO!  Leading on from the death of the transexual teacher Lucy Meadows – there is no chance we would consider this.  Her death has definitely (I believe) had an impact on trans people being willing to share their stories – this is such a shame and I hope that other trans people are braver than us and willing to talk as the more we can get noticed – hopefully the government and other bodies will sit up and listen and make the changes that are so needed.

Anyway don’t want to go all political on you – my next blog will tell you some of the ridiculous hoops Kirst has had to go through the last few weeks and still going through with the NHS and private Dr situation to get her hormones and possible FFS (facial feminisation surgery) and also changing her name.

But for now for this blog – yep it’s heaven!

 

My First Year with Kirst

Well can’t believe it myself but it’s now been over a year that Kirst and I have been living together.  Did I think a year ago I would be living with a transexual – no way of course I didn’t – never met or spoke to one in my life before Kirst!  But here we are – a year in – and oh what a year!  I can only describe the year as like being a rollercoaster whilst taking speed!  Not that I’ve ever taken speed lol !

So what have I learnt after my first year of living with a transexual – well here’s just some advice and some of my learnings I can pass on:

• Never date a transexual with OCD lol!
• Always agree they are right even when they’re not!
• Find someone else for you to talk to – they’re only interested in themselves lol!
• Allow hours and hours to get ready for a night out!
• Hide your make-up, stockings, nail varnish etc lol!
• Don’t use the words tranny, freak or cock in a frock – oops!
• Don’t let anyone see you laughing or smirking at some of the outfits they wear – some go way over the top – no names mentioned lol!
• Don’t try and wear as high heeled shoes as them – they are much better walking in them than you and you won’t end up with many bruises and cut knees and legs like I have!
• Remember you are there to be at their beck and call and not the other way around lol!
• Make them go on a hair styling course so you don’t have to do it for them!
• Oh and did I say – NEVER date a transexual with OCD!!!

Ok so these may be some amusing things I’ve encountered but more seriously:

• Treat them with the respect they deserve – you have no idea how brave they are!
• Talk to them!  Their stories are really interesting and inspiring!
• Don’t assume anything by just looking at them and the way they may dress – they are people with feelings!
• Go on a night out with them – you won’t have a better night out with anyone else!
• Help anyone who needs it – sometimes they can’t see the way forward and someone outside can.
• Appreciate the enormous struggles transexuals go through with the NHS or privately to get treatment and support – it is a mind field and one that needs changing fast!
• Read up about gender dysphoria – a true transexual (i.e. not someone who does it for a thrill) has lived with the feelings for most of their life and unfortunately many have committed suicide as the help was not there.
• Don’t expect to ever fully understand – if you’re not in their head you cannot understand.
• Appreciate they are all different, like us, some are quiet, some loud, some realistic and some not.
• Don’t assume they all want ‘THE operation’!  It’s not about that!  And certainly don’t ask them!

What I can say is that there have been lots of ups and downs – on both sides in the last year but Kirst is finally full-time and she never thought that would be the case a year ago!

Being able to help her and see the way forward has been an amazing thing for me and honoured to help her and see the transition in all its stages.

It’s not finished yet by a long way – there are still things like electrolysis and hormones which will probably have to be taken all her life but she is so much happier now.

 

 

The biggest difference in the last year has been her teeth and without a doubt has given her so much more confidence.  The pics above are recent and to see her smile is fantastic.  The pics below show Kirst before her teeth were done and you’ll see she never smiled – that pout has gone forever lol!!!  Well I doubt it but I can hope lol!

Well my first year has been interesting, stressful, funny and a learning curve – but it’s mostly been rewarding.  I look forward to writing on my 2nd year with a transexual.

Kirsty’s Work Journey

A lot of you know that Kirst works in IT (yep the words boring, nerd and geek come to mind lol) and for a very large global company at their UK head office in Edinburgh.

The team she works in within IT is actually quite small but the number of staff in the building is around 400.  Kirsty has to deal with the users in the Company but also external suppliers and of course they all needed to know that Steven was going to be no more and replaced with transexual Kirsty.

I mentioned in one of my other blogs how I told Kirst’s boss and he has led the helm to involve HR and plan for Kirsty’s first day and beyond when she first goes in.  Now companies have to follow the legal rights and rules around transgender people but I have to say they have been brilliant!  It didn’t feel as though they were just following procedure but genuinely concerned for how it was going to work for Kirst and taking her views into account.

So much so that I went to the meeting with her boss and HR when first planning out the project plan (and boy it was a big plan) to start the process of what needed doing within the Company.  The plan was huge – if you think about what needs doing incuding: company handbook updates, change of record details on all systems and payroll, telling the suppliers and staff, speaking to the women re Kirsty now going to use the female toilets and just so much more.

Kirst wanted me involved and I was more than happy to help with that process – how many companies would let their staff members partner contribute?  Not many I think!  They have really implemented the communications in a very considerate way to both Kirst and the staff and we are pleased that – so far – there has been no detrimental issues to deal with.  Oh I’m sure there may be people there who don’t agree or understand but as long as they keep their opinions away from Kirst and if they have real issues speak to her boss or HR.  Somehow I doubt that is going to be the case having met so many and heard what people are saying – believing she is so brave and wanting to support her.

So Tuesday 16th April next week is the day!  Work are ready but is Kirst lol????  Well I’m sure when she’s back tonight from Budapest tomorrow will be a day of organising outfits, make-up and whatever else she starts panicking about lol. I’m glad I’ll be here to support her Monday and no doubt be the dogsbody running around after her for whatever she needs.

She has already had a small trying on session for work clothes.  Her work allow them to wear casual clothes including jeans so that makes it easier to just think about tops and shoes mainly.  However, you know our Kirst – she loves dresses and skirts so I’m sure they’ll creep in soon lol.  Here are some of the pics of her potential work outfits:

Kirst’s clothes                  Oh that’s my top!               Skirt too short lol !???

Oh that’s my dress!             and my dress again!                    Oh and that’s my top lol !

Although Kirst is naturally nervous, apprehensive and excited all at once, I know she’ll be absolutely fine!  She now has the confidence she didn’t used to have, knows what she wants and looks fantastic!  Take a look below at the difference in not only the hair and teeth but she has learnt to tone her make-up down as well for work and Kirst – you look like a real girl!